Gaduate Recital 2.0

JS Bach:

Unaccomapnied Suite No. 3:

 

Prelude

 

 

Allemande

 

Courante

 

 

 

Sarabande

 

Bourees I & II

 

Gigue

 

 

Paul Hindemith

Der Schanendreher

 

 

 

 

 

Final Thought:

"A wise man once said: we make our own demons.  Whatever happened to him I wish I knew, did he conquer them, what was he like, did he have armor like mine... Anyway, bottom line: I said it, because HE said it."-Tony Stark, "Ironman 3"

 

Boomer! Sooner! Go OU!

Don't experts say it's not a good idea to blog before bed?  Or is that eating?  I get confused on such matters.

Anyways, for those that don't know, I did not get accepted into the AD program at CCM.  I was a little upset by the fact that I didn't at first, but now I kind of see it as a blessing in disguise because now I'm free to do what I want next year.  To be honest, as awesome as CCM is, it's not what I had hoped it would be.  But in all fairness, it was WHAT I needed in order to see more of how the real world works, especially outside of Oklahoma.  My conclusion thus far is: I like Oklahoma just fine as is.  So, I'm moving back.

I've been applying to the DMA program at The University of Oklahoma, and I couldn't be more excited!  I could go on and on about the "hows" and the "whys" of this excitement, but we'd be here all night.  In short, I feel like there are a LOT of opportunities for me back in OKC that do not exist in Cincy like gigs and private students.  Also, it's where my family is.  My mother and sister live in OKC, best friend/family also does (there like my family 2.0), and my dad and stepmom live close to OKC, so I'll get to see them more as well.  Not to mention the biggest perk of all, I'LL FINALLY BE A SOONER AND GET TO PAY INSTATE TUITION!!!!

But I get ahead of myself, which has been a problem of mine as of late.  I get so excited about he possibility of going to school at OU, I forget there are steps I have to complete first in order to get there.  And even then, there's no guarantee.  I've got to finish the application process BEFORE March 1st, set up an audition, and not screw up the audition.  But first and foremost, the thing that is THE most important step I must complete: Graduation!  This includes my second Masters Recital.  I'm four weeks away from it.  I'm not quite where I want to be, but I'm definitely not in a bad place when it comes to my music.  Right now, I'm using my new goal of winning a TA position with the viola professor at OU as my motivation to keep working hard and to hold myself to a higher standard.

I've been watching a lot of basketball lately, which for those of you who read my twitters/facebook posts should already be WELL aware of this.  While watching a game, it was either my Sooners or Thunder, I realized I wished I had played more sports.  Then I realize I already play a sport, VIOLA!  It's not as physically demanding as soccer, basketball, or football, but it takes just as much dedication if not more.  And that is when I decided to let my competitive nature come out while practicing.  I finally found a way to use my competitive powers for good.  My practice is more focused and driven, I'm getting so much more done.  And this is why CCM was good for me because in small ways it helped me to see what I need to do and how to set myself to higher standards and to set myself on the a life course that's more to my liking.

Final Thought:
"Always aim for the moon.  Even if you miss, you'll still land amongst the stars."

I think it might be time for a change...

Today started out relatively normal enough.  As per usual I did not do my post-tonal theory homework the previous night, so therefore got up at 5 am to do it.  First though, since it's Monday, it means I have to weigh in (I'm training for a marathon in May, and every pound I lose makes running just that much easier).  Yay, I lost 3 pounds from last week.  Be prepared, this is about the only good thing to happen today.

So now, onto the Theory.  It took WAY too long.  And I still didn't get it right.  Test is Wednesday, good luck.

I get to CCM and head up to the my favorite practice floor only to find I left my viola in my locker.  This day is going to be GREAT!!!

All this leads to my lesson with Mr. Kawasaki.

(I want to make it clear and legally binding that I am in no way complaining about Mr. Kawasaki or anyone else that may or may not be mentioned.  I am just frustrated with the situation in general.)

This lesson was the wildest roller coster ride ever.  First, he acts like he's actually kind of happy about my progress.  I prepared 2 1/2 mvts of Bach (Sarabande, Bourees I and II, and kind of the Gigue, but I didn't play it cause I didn't have time to finish it over the weekend).  So then he talks about my Aspen tape.  The first thing he asks is, "Where did I do the recording?"  I told him my house in OKC.  Then he asked, "did you like your playing?"  A very dangerous question.  I didn't want to say, "!ell, yes, that's why I sent in the tape," because I felt he was baiting me for a trap of some kind.

He then was wondering why there was a wine bottle in the picture frame of my tape.  My reaction to this was a monstrous CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!   I had totally forgot about that.  Yes I did know it was there, but only after I had sent the tape in.  I had reviewed the tape before I sent it in, but I was so focused on my playing I didn't notice the bottle in the foreground to the right till I watched the video again later that day after I sent it in.

He then goes on to say how unprofessional the whole tape was, and that it looks bad for CCM viola studio and all that.  Thanks Mr. K, it's not like I'm 24 years old and grew up watching after school specials or anything.  I just sat there in silence.  I didn't see a point in defending it.  I didn't even explain that I didn't notice until it was too late to do anything until he asked if I had noticed it.  He seemed a little more understanding then.

He then talked about how bad the acoustics were and that they made me, "sound very bad."  So basically, I'm not going to Aspen this year.  Great.

Not to point fingers or anything, which is in reality kind of what I'm about to do, but if I could have had maybe a little more support from my teachers here, not the adjuncts, the people I'm actually paying the tens of thousands of dollars to study with, perhaps we could have worked something out.

I love my lessons with Dr. C and Mr. K, when they happen.  I'm just not too happy with the situation here.  It's really hard to tell if you're making progress or on the good or naughty list because you end up seeing the adjuncts more than the professors.  This also hinders any kind of a relationship you might have normally developed with your private instructor that you would normally see once a week.

It gets really easy to sometimes feel that you can't do anything right by these teachers.  They're of such a high caliber, that the way they teach is to not really hand out compliments.  I understand that.  But come on!  It's been almost two years.  Throw me a bone!  Give me some hope!  Other wise I might as well throw in the towel and go back to WSU for a music ed. degree. (I miss my Catherine).

Anyways, what's done is done.  All I can do is to try to learn from it all.

Final Thought:
"Success takes perseverance."-Bruce Lee

Graduate Recital 1.0

 

 

Final Thought:

"Success is peace of mind which is a direct resutl fo self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming."-John Wooden

DMA, Recital, and Kung-Fu!!!

Howdy ya'll.. (all 2 of you who read these things).

Finally, I can take a breath a maybe get in a little blogging time.  These past couple of months have been two of the most hellacious months I've experienced in quite some time.  Not only have I been preparing for my first masters recital, but I've been moving apartments and training for a half-marathon, all the while trying to maintain appropriate grades in all my classes.  (Finally in real masters classes.  None of that 'review' crap!)

So, now I'm in the last 3 weeks before my recital, and I'm feeling pretty confident with it.  The third mvt of Vieuxtemps is giving me a little trouble and my collaborative pianist isn't returning my texts requesting rehearsal times, but it's all good...right?  My lessons have been, for the most part positive, I mean, when I can get Dr. C to actually believe that I can play past the first page.  Yes, I'm still dealing with performance anxiety; that will always be something I continue to work on.  I will say I'm making great strides, and I hope to have a better control of this anxiety by Nov. 13.

What I've come realize is that we often times, at least for me, tend to fight or resist this anxiety.  I personally find that when I do this it only makes matters worse.

 !WARNING! Now going on a brief tangent, but I promise it all ties in together.

I remember back when I was in 8th or 9th grade, I was attending Sunday school.  We were all given a piece of paper and were told to write any question, no matter what it might be, and then to hand it in.  Most of the questions were rather silly like, "Will Mickey Mouse go to Heaven?"  Yeah, stuff like that. Remember, it was the youth group.  However, being the more serious minded person I was/am, my question was thus, "According to the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is one of those sins.  So, was Jesus angry or not when he turned over the tables and whipped the people who had turned God's house into a market place?"

(This was before I knew more about the so-called 7 Deadly Sins being man made and not found in the Bible, but go with me on this.)

The answer I received was basically, (paraphrased), "We all have anger, even God.  The difference is that His anger is righteous indignation while ours is more petty.  Our petty anger is what leads us to sin."  So, anger is the "pot" of the sin world apparently.

Anyways, the point is is that we all have anger, and we all have to accept that part of ourselves.  We can choose to give in to it an allow it to control us, or we can control it.  Jesus controlled his anger and only when it was righteous did he allow it to show.  In the same way, we can learn to recognize our anxiety and only allow it to show when it best suits our purpose.

One of my favorite quotes from the TV series "Missing" is, "Fear is what kills you, it's nervousness that keeps you alive."  It's accepting the anxiety and not letting it turn into fear.

One of the techniques I've been working on in this acceptance is a combination of something Dr. C told me to try and something I learned from Tara Brach's audio-book "Radical Acceptance."  Dr. C told me to give my anxiety a name, something silly, I came up with Pedro.  Once you give it a name, when you feel him/her coming on say, "Pedro, go f*** yourself!"  I don't normally use such harsh language when talking to myself (remember, the anxiety is a part of you), but it really depends on how much coffee I had....  Anyways, Ms Brach talks about accepting parts of you by first identifying them, by name is you have to, and welcoming them as if they are an old friend.  Then tell them to stay in their little corner.  I find this technique oddly satisfying, especially when Pedro behaves...

So this is where I segue into kung-fu.  I've recently have re-fallen in love with martial arts, specifically with Chinese Kung Fu.  It's always been a minor passion of mine, but I never took the time to really study it, until now.  I've recently begun taking Tai-Chi lessons at the Cincinnati Kung-Fu and Tai-Chi center.  Why Tai-Chi, you might ask.  Isn't Tai-Chi that really slow meditative movements?  How is that "martial arts"?  Remember the movie "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon."  The fighting style used in that movie was none other than Tai-Chi.  BOOM!

But yes, Tai-Chi has other benefits.  Tai-Chi is part of the Wudang style of Chinese Martial Arts, as opposed to Shaolin Chinese Martial Arts.  Wudang focuses more on inner strength and confidence.  Sounds like something I could use right.  It's all about using your chi, your energy, and controlling it.  I've mentioned in previous posts that I've been experimenting with mediation, well, I've replaced it with practicing Tai-Chi.  Mainly because Shi-Fu Ware hasn't taught me any daoist mediation techniques yet. This class that I'm taking not only teaches Tai-Chi but Qi Gong, and eventually like I said, daoist meditation.

Qi Gong is used for many purposes in Chinese culture.  There are three types: Healing, Martial, and I forgot the other, but it does exist.  Shi-Fu Ware is teaching me the Healing version.  It focuses on combining motion, with mental intent , with breathing exercises (spirit).  I highly recommend this for every one!

I've already have started applying some of what I've learned in these lessons to viola and I'm finding they actually do help out a lot!  Again, every one needs to try this, but be careful you get a qualified Tai-Chi instructor recognized by other Tai-Chi masters.  There are a lot of fakes out there.

I've also been working on DMA applications.  The schools I'm looking at are CCM (obviously), Texas Christian University, and Oklahoma University.  Right now I'm in the phase of "what do I have to do to apply?" So far it's turn in a sample of my writing that's at least 7 pages in length with bibliography and footnotes.  I don't really have anything like that, so this is gonna be interesting.  But it has to be done.  I need to right letters behind my name!!!!

Final Thought(s):
The entire world is driven by a will, blind and ruthless. In order to transcend the limitations of that world, you need to stop willing, stop desiring, stop hating. --Lao Ma

To conquer others is to have power. To conquer yourself is to know the way. --Lao Ma

Recital

We've got a recital!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1: JS Bach Sonata No.1 for Viola da Gamba transcribed for viola and piano.  I'll be playing all four mvts, but the video only plays one.
















2: Glazunov Elegy.  I don't have a recording of this, honestly.

3: Vieuxtemps Viola Sonata.  Again, I'll be playing all the mvts, but the video only has one.

Goals

So Aspen is done and a new school year begins!  Yay???

So far my practicing has been way more productive since I've been more strict in the my practice structure.  I've also made the discovery that I can't spend only 1 hour per piece/etude/scale/exercise per day.  I don't tend to make progress fast enough that way.  So what I've been experimenting with, which has so produced favorable results, is to spend 2-3 hours on technique, then 2-3 hours on ONE mvt/piece/etc.  per day.  The next day I would obviously work on something else, and continue to rotate through the week.  Every once in a while I might/will do the 1 hour/piece/day, but for the most part I'm sticking with the afore mentioned formula.

This formula seems to work well.  I actually got into the top orchestra at CCM, Goal #1 for the school year, CHECK!  That's another thing.  I had a meeting with Dr. C, explaining to her a few of my goals for the year.  She then said I should write them down and refer to them often.  We used to do this in my high school and I was a big proponent of it, but I haven't been keeping up with the practice.

Goals!
1-Make Phil-This will mean focused and consistent practice on the excerpts.  Making sure everything is
                     in tune and there are no "HOLY CRAP" moments.
                     *Check

2-Give a two recitals: One for the Fall and One for the Spring.  The Fall will be recorded and sent for prescreening auditions for DMA programs.  Rep I'd like
to tackle for these recitals include: Vieuxtemps Viola Sonata, Der Schwanendreher, Bach Suite 5/6, Bax "Legend.
--This will involve making a plan of action.  I will hopefully have about three months to prepare each and will have to plan my practice accordingly.

3-Learn up to Kreutzer 20
--consistent practice sticking to the formula

4-Win Aspen fellowship
--Really paying attention to the details in the excerpts and playing a lot for Christian Colberg and Dr. Carroll

5-Get into a good DMA program (preferably with some money)
--Stick to the formula and continue practice in mindfullness

6-If still officially a resident of OK, compete in Naftzger and win!

7-Perform more
--signing up for Performance Class more often even to just play an excerpt or etude.

For right now that's all my musical goals for the year.  I will try address each one in future posts.

Final Thought

"Stop thinking, just play!"-Christian Colberg